“Don’t miss out on this year’s Must-Haves!”, “We’re Slashing Prices!”, “Don’t be left out in the cold!” I’m bombarded with anxiety producing declarations, and all I’ve done is look through my mail. And so it continues during the month of December as our mailboxes overflow day after day with catalogs and flyers inviting us to focus on the effects of things we don’t possess rather than embracing gratitude for the things we do. It can be especially difficult when it appears as though everyone else has it all, and we are the ones left wanting. However, keeping up with the Joneses is a trap of monumental proportions.
And although monetary success seems to be the most frequently discussed topic regarding comparison, keep in mind that materialism is not the only way in which we attempt to exceed one another. Life continually presents with a variety of options inciting us to compare our accomplishments with that of others. Career success, political viewpoints, intellectualism, fitness and health, relationships, marriage, parenting, spirituality…the list of possibilities is infinite.
But if we pause, take a breath, and become curious about our desires, the question then becomes, “What are we really looking for? What are we gaining by comparing ourselves to others? Do we honestly want or need that brand new car or that promotion? Or do we just seek the admiration and praise we believe accompanies such conquests?” When you ask most people what it is they truly desire from life, the typical answer is happiness or joy. However, if you ask the deeper question of what that looks like, or how one achieves such a thing, the answer doesn’t always come so quickly. We desire the end result, but aren’t exactly sure of what it takes to attain such a generalized ideal.
Theodore Roosevelt once said that “Comparison is the thief of joy.” If happiness and joy are truly what we are looking for, the last place we are going to find them is in comparing our possessions, intellect, status or anything else we have to that of other’s. Joy can only be found in experiencing the authenticity with which God blessed each and every one of us. Giving into comparison is the equivalent of giving into insecurity. Ultimately, the struggle with insecurity arises because we mistakenly compare our own everyday battles to that of everyone else’s victories. All we are really seeing are snapshots of the big picture, clever captions highlighting the main event. What we aren’t always privy to is what actually goes on behind the scenes. If we could glimpse how some relationships truly function, or the shape that some people’s finances are actually in, I guarantee our envy would fade rapidly. The waters aren’t always as calm as they appear on the surface.
It’s important to allow ourselves our own journeys and experiences. Honoring our individuality liberates us to experience the joy that can never take root in comparison. In addition, it frees God to do His great work in each of us. We never know the beauty being produced behind the scenes. As Ralph Waldo Emerson so eloquently penned “Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path, and leave a trail”.
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