If you find yourself sitting (and sweating) at a high school graduation ceremony this June watching your teenager walk across a stage, cap and gown on, a million photos taken, planning grad parties, buying Hawaiian lei’s, you are most likely a parent that finds yourself in the transitional chapter that is only a few months in length, the post-high school, pre-college season. These short few months are most likely the biggest transition for your teen since birth, and your biggest transition with them. Family dynamics are changing, feelings are scattered, and in just a short while, they will be off on their own. You get to be a parent who either clings to their son or daughter and doesn’t let them go or you get to be a parent that provides a few more months of intentional scaffolding that will help them succeed in the next chapter. Here are a few tips for the latter:
- Allow them to start making more of their own decisions. Letting them succeed or even fail while still under your roof is going to give them a dry-run of making it on their own.
- Help them learn to self-regulate and protect themselves. What this means: start pointing them to their own internal resources and strengths, helping them problem solve when something is wrong instead of solely relying on you.
- Guide them in developing their own boundaries – with family, friends, social decisions and involvement, curfew, etc.
- $$ – Give them the opportunity to learn how to manage money and budget in the real world while still in college. Decide with your teen what you should do about college – develop a budget with them taking the lead and you supporting and asking good questions. Even if you are providing the money for their education, what about setting up a joint bank account with the intention they have to pay their tuition, housing, and bills out of that account. Give them the real life experience while it is still relatively safe. This will benefit them immensely in the long run.
- Talk about tough issues – they ARE going to face these topics in college if they haven’t already. LISTEN to them and ask lots of questions instead of telling them what to believe or feel.
- Provide guidance without telling them exactly what to do. When they have questions about college, again help them be the answer to their own problem or learn they are able to find the answers from someone around them.
- Remember you are transitioning from parent-child to an adult-to-adult relationship. Talk about what that means, what kind of space your teen wants while in college, what your expectations are for checking in at home. Having these conversations up front can save you both a lot of misunderstandings once they are off and launched.
Above all else, let them know you love them no matter what they do or don’t do, you are proud of them, you believe in them, you are there for them through thick and thin.
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